July 3, 2010

• sermon marriage 7 3 10 Brussels , Belgium

  Marriage

  Marriage was Ordained by God at the time of creation:

  Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

  God’s purpose in giving Eve to Adam:

  The purpose of the wife given by God to Adam was to be his “help meet” , I.e., to surround Adam with aid. Eve would become his life partner aiding him, surrounding , and protecting him.

  David uses the word used the word here used for “help” word in

  Ps 33:20 Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield.

  And in Ps 70:5 the Word says “But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer; O LORD, make no tarrying.”

  In Ps 124:8 it says “Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth.”

  We can see that -- because God Himself is called a “helper”-- that being a “help meet” does not imply inferiority, but rather being someone who can give what is lacking to someone else. We would never say God is our servant at our “beck and call” because He is willing to be our helper!

  Adam was apparently incomplete while alone. Eve completed him.

  God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. Used in that verse “alone “ means “solitary, separate, divided”. God said he would make Adam a “help meet”. “Meet” is a “front, an opposite part, or a mate”.

  From this definition (all word definitions in this paper are from the Strong’s concordance) it sounds as if a part of Adam was missing until God made Eve. In fact, God called them ADAM when he created Adam. Together they make up one “Adam“.

  It sounds as if in Genesis 5:1 when God created Adam He made him with Eve already inside of him because God called them “Adam” in the day they were created.

  Gen 5:1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; 2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.(KJV)

  God given roles in marriage

  Husbands provide vision and direction to the wife; the wife walks along side him to help him accomplish the things he is setting out to be and to do as well as what he sees for them as a couple and for the family as a whole.

  It is exciting to have a husband with vision. If we are created to assist him, to fit in with His plans, there is not much to do if he has no plans or vision!

  Some men do not take their position as the head of the woman seriously.They have no plans to lead.

  Sadly there are some husbands whose biggest “plan” is to make sure their wife never tries to lead them.

  Because she was created to fit in with his plans, it is extremely frustrating to a woman to be rejected when she tries to find ways to help her husband . She has no plans to fit into that he has establish for the two of them; therefore, perhaps she will begin to make some plans of her own in order to find some fulfillment in her life. Sometimes when a wife does that, then the husband becomes resentful and even cruel to her because she has found a way to make sure the home prospers when he has failed to do so.

  When a Godly woman is forced to make sure, e.g., the bills are paid (perhaps both by having a job outside her home as well as doing the administrative work of handling the bills), she should continue to pray for her husband to take his place as well. When her prayers are answered, then she needs to be very sensitive to what now to take as her place in the home. If her husband needs her to continue in what she is already doing, fine. But, if now that he has risen up our of his previous “slumbering state” into a state of wide awake vision planning and carrying out the steps towards that vision, he wants her in another sort of supportive role, she needs to be sensitive to what she then needs to do.

  Adam had to have some things he was working to accomplish in order to need someone to assist him. Wives fit into their husbands plans and vision.

  Adam must have had some needs for her to fulfill for him , to cause his life to be of a higher quality than it was when he was alone.

  Wives are to anticipate and to see their husband’s needs and to meet those needs whenever possible.

  The New Covenant writings make it clear that the husband is the “head” of the wife. Eph 5:21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.(KJV)

  Two of the things mentioned in this passage stand out in that they would make the relationship easy to handle: 1) If the husband loved his wife as Christ loved the church, it would be easy for her to obey him and 2) if the wife would reverence her husband, it would make being her head easier! “Reverence” means exactly what it sounds like it means, I.e., to be in awe of him and to fear him.

  Another thing that would make obeying the husband easier would be if he acknowledge that he too is under authority and if he would hold that authority in awe with reverence and quick obedience!  1 Cor 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

  If the husband requests things that are ungodly, then the wife does not have to obey that!Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

  We never have to obey man when we are asked to do something that will cause us to disobey God.

  Peter and the apostles were told by their God given authority to not teach anymore about Jesus. They disobeyed.

  　Acts 5:21 And when they heard that, they entered into the temple early in the morning, and taught. But the high priest came, and they that were with him, and called the council together, and all the senate of the children of Israel, and sent to the prison to have them brought.22 But when the officers came, and found them not in the prison, they returned, and told,23 Saying, The prison truly found we shut with all safety, and the keepers standing without before the doors: but when we had opened, we found no man within.24 Now when the high priest and the captain of the temple and the chief priests heard these things, they doubted of them whereunto this would grow.25 Then came one and told them, saying, Behold, the men whom ye put in prison are standing in the temple, and teaching the people.26 Then went the captain with the officers, and brought them without violence: for they feared the people, lest they should have been stoned.27 And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them,28 Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man's blood upon us.29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.(KJV)

  They were taught to obey the priests:

  Deut 17:8 If there arise a matter too hard for thee in judgment, between blood and blood, between plea and plea, and between stroke and stroke, being matters of controversy within thy gates: then shalt thou arise, and get thee up into the place which the LORD thy God shall choose;9 And thou shalt come unto the priests the Levites, and unto the judge that shall be in those days, and inquire; and they shall shew thee the sentence of judgment:10 And thou shalt do according to the sentence, which they of that place which the LORD shall choose shall shew thee; and thou shalt observe to do according to all that they inform thee:11 According to the sentence of the law which they shall teach thee, and according to the judgment which they shall tell thee, thou shalt do: thou shalt not decline from the sentence which they shall shew thee, to the right hand, nor to the left.12 And the man that will do presumptuously, and will not hearken unto the priest that standeth to minister there before the LORD thy God, or unto the judge, even that man shall die: and thou shalt put away the evil from Israel.

  If a wife is unable to obey her husband because his request is contrary to the ways of God, she should very quietly and meekly let him know that. A wife should not be looking for ways to be disobedient and then be glad when she finds one!

  Even if the husband is not saved , we still are to be in subjection to them so they can be won to the Lord.

  1 Pet 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

  Some women may want to wiggle out of their obligation to be “under” the authority of their husband because “in Christ” there is no male nor female.

  The word does say that IN CHRIST there is no male or female. Gal 3:27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.(KJV)

  But in the marriage -- and institution during this age for earthly needs -- the husband is assigned to be the “head“ of the wife. IF both husband and wife walked IN CHRIST all the time, there is no need for mutual submission because -- when both are submitted to Christ -- everything is in order. Both will be fully satisfied that the other is acting perfectly well. No one has to remind anyone of any rules when all the rules are being kept.

  Gal 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.(KJV)

  The issue of the authority of the husband and the submission of the wife

  The husband is the head of the wife--what does that mean regarding the roles of husband and wife? Is the wife like one of the children “under “ the husband? Is the wife supposed to “dumb down” in order to be sure to make her husband feel as if he is the smartest? Are the women to be treated as if they are the property of a man ? What kind of work can they do without making their husband look to be “under” them?

  Historically there has been much confusion regarding the role of a wife. Sometimes in past decades (and centuries)  it seemed as if a twenty-one year old son in the household was given more respect and authority  than his mother. For instance, he could vote when she could not; he could drive into another city when it was unthinkable that a woman could drive herself to that city; and he could buy land when it was against the law to do so. That son, furthermore , could go to college when that mom would have been asked, “Why would a woman, designed by God simply to be a wife, mom, and homemaker need or even want to go to college?” (Sometimes people might think at that time, “Well, maybe it is all right for her to be there if she is learning until she is married. Maybe she will meet her husband there and then she will get a better degree, I.e., an “MRS. degree”).

  　The Bible describes what a virtuous wife looks like. This woman was free to do all she was able to do! What would be the level of strength, intelligence, and leadership abilities a woman like this would have to have in order to do these things.

  Remember to that the passage was spoken by a mother to her son, the king. This is a woman fit for a king! All of us should be queens and our men should aspire to the honor befitting a king.A king is not threatened by a strong woman. It is only a very weak man that believes he looks bad in comparison to his wife when his wife is flourishing and he is not.

  Know that the word “virtuous” in the first verse in Proverbs 31 means “a force, valor, an army, wealth” . The implication is that she is STRONG.

  Prov 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

  19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.(KJV)

  We see here a woman who is the full time administrator of the household business. She buys land. She is a business woman. She is a philanthropist. She is in command of the household staff. She is in charge of seeing to it that all necessary things are accomplished. In the midst of all these responsibilities, she also makes sure her clothing is beautifully regal. Her values are higher than those of the ungodly, I.e., she knows that popularity and external beauty are empty, lying things. She knows that the woman who fears God is wise in choosing the best thing.

  The New Testament confirms the role of a woman to be in charge of the household in 1 Timothy 5:14:

  1 Tim 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.(KJV)

  When we look up the Greek definition of the word “guide” in that verse we see that it means and discuss what that means “ to be the head of or to rule a family”-- another word that means “absolute ruler” is in the root of this word.

  Sometimes we say the husband is the “head of the household” -- what is the “household”? In what way is the woman an overseer in her home and what role does the husband have?

  The husband is the head of the wife, the wife takes care of the household. He is her commander in chief; but, the Lord gives her the right to be in charge of the household.

  A very confident Chief Executive Officer hires people to be under him that are bold, confident, intelligent, etc. He is not threatened by them because he knows his place of authority is secure and that even if they know more than him, that does not mean they are to take the ultimate leadership role.

  The accomplishments of the ones under a CEO only add to how well he is doing his job! He had the sense to hire people who knew some things that he did not know so that the job could get done. He remains the CEO even if he does not know how to do the job of the one under his authority. That is why he hired that person, I.e., he needed their help to get the job done well.

  　As is the case when an employee of the boss falters in their job, it is the bosses’ job to speak to the employee to improve in their work, the husband is the ultimate overseer of the wife so he surely has the authority to tell her to get back in order with what she is to be doing if she begins to neglect her duties .  But, the husband should not micromanage his wife because it will interfere with her plans to be what she is to be. E.g., a husband who would demand a particular product for cleaning, a particular meal each time they eat, or a particular way to make the bed would take the joy out of homemaking for the wife and cause her to feel like a servant or a child instead of a woman of God fulfilling her role in the home.

  The husband should not micromanage his wife because it will interfere with her plans to be what she is to be. E.g., a husband who would demand a particular product for cleaning, a particular meal each time they eat, or a particular way to make the bed would take the joy out of homemaking for the wife and cause her to feel like a servant or a child instead of a woman of God fulfilling her role in the home.

  It is up to that husband to tell that wife what to be and to do in order to be his help meet. For one husband he may not need her to work outside the home; another man may need that help from his wife. For one husband the wife may need to write the checks to pay the bills; for another husband that may seem like too much authority to give her because he knows his wife. The husband sets the plans for the vision of the couple and the family in order; the wife does whatever the husband wants done in order to fulfill those plans.

  Pertaining to intimacy issues, we are to submit to one another:

  1 Cor 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

  　　Shared parental authority: Children are to honor both the authority of the dad and the mom.

  Exod 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.(KJV)

  “Honour”” means to give weight to -- it is the same word sometimes translated as “glory” in the Old Testament. Children are to take very seriously whatever their mom or dad say to them.

  Prov 1:8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. (KJV)

  There is a curse to the one who does not honor and a blessing to the one who does; therefore, the parents need to make sure the child learns to honor both of them.

  Prov 30:17 The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.(KJV)

  Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. (KJV)

  We see then that it would be unwise for either parent to overturn a ruling given by the other parent or to interfere with the discipline that the other parent chooses to put in place when the child disobeys.

  Both parents are to be obeyed; both, therefore, have the authority to rule the children and to give out punishment when those rules are not obeyed.

  When we face the difficult moments in which we disagree with one another, we need to withdraw from the presence of the child and discuss the issue alone. When we come into the presence of the child again, we need to be united. Never should it be that either parent disrespects and disregards the word of the other parent that were given to the child. The parent who said the words initially should be able to say, “Dad and I discussed this so now WE have decided to tell you this what you must do”.

  Parents stand united in their authority over their children. Neither the mom or the dad should ever find themselves in a humiliating position of being corrected or ordered about in front of the children in a way that dishonors .

  No example of dishonoring by either parent should be exhibited to the children! The fact that God gave the father a higher rank than mom in their personal relationship has no direct bearing on the children when mom , in her parental authority, is dealing with them.

  I have heard it taught that nowhere in the Word are women told to love their husbands; however, this passage implies we are to love them too:

  Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.(KJV)

  Husbands and wives are both to walk in love towards one another!

  Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

  Rom 13:8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.9 For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.(KJV)

   

  The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Just how much does Christ love the church ?

  He uses His power to bring us to a place in Him above all other authority:

  Eph 1:17 That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:

  18 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,

  19 And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:

  He wants us to be filled with all that He is:

  Eph 4:13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

  Yes,  His love was proven when He gave His life for her so that now we can be in communion with Him; but, there is a future goal yet to happen. What is the goal of our Heavenly Bridegroom for His beloved bride? Just how much authority is he willing to share with her?

  Our Lord wants us to rise up into such a great level authority that we actually reign WITH Him for all eternity!

  Dan 7:18 But the saints of the most High shall take the kingdom, and possess the kingdom for ever, even for ever and ever….22 Until the Ancient of days came, and judgment was given to the saints of the most High; and the time came that the saints possessed the kingdom.(KJV)

  Dan 7:7 And the kingdom and dominion, and the greatness of the kingdom under the whole heaven, shall be given to the people of the saints of the most High, whose kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and all dominions shall serve and obey him.(KJV)

  1 Cor 6:2 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?3 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

  Rev 3:21 To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.

  　Rev 1:5 And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,6 And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

   

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